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You f*cking wipe it!

Something I haven't mentioned yet is the behaviour of my two children. Lily is 6 and a half and Charlie is eight and a half. Why do I need to write the half year in there? That's because they tell people about the half every time they are asked about their age! It matters to them so it matters to me.

Charlie is a very quiet child who has grown up with not much fuss, taken to learning far better than I ever did and has a nice video game bubble that he lives in. Ok so listening to him talk about bloody Yo-Kai Watch makes me want to jump off a very tall building but at least it's harmless.

Lily is the opposite. She needs the attention. Lots of it. And if she doesn't get enough, all hell breaks loose. She can be the nicest sweetest, funniest little girl but fuck me, when she's not the centre of attention, Satan enters the room and destroys everything in it's path. It's lead me to question......how do you control a six year old (fuck the half!)???  How?  In my nearly forty years on this planet, I've been in some hairy situations. But nothing compares to controlling a six year old little girl. She beats me every time.

One such time is my favourite and shall live with me forever.......

After having the usual battle to get bed time under way. Lily kicked off. Nothing major, just the normal delaying tactics of throwing things around, getting loud and shouty, stamping around the house. I eventually got her in to the bathroom to have to customary wee before bed and sat her on the toilet. I asked if she had finished which was met with a strong "YES", so I told her to wipe her bum. It was at this point that my life flashed before me and for a very small moment I saw myself sat in a prison cell doing a life sentence for murder. Her answer was "YOU FUCKING WIPE IT!"

Luckily for her, I saw the funny side and I am now indeed on the train to work rather than trying to escape Big Bad Dave in the prison shower block.

This is my battle and I shall win.......sort of!

Why?

So why the blog?

Why did I decide to start blogging? Well it all started about four years ago. I decided that my job wasn't a job that I wanted to do for life. I wanted to earn more money (don't we all) by doing something I enjoyed. I actually wrote the main parts of these posts back then, including a whole post about starting the Knowledge of London and becoming a black taxi driver in London by the age of forty. Unfortunately that milestone is fast approaching and I'm nowhere near achieving that feat! Am I disappointed? Yes massively! Is it my fault? Yes! Why? Well that is a long story of issues around mental health, distractions, sickness and laziness - in myself and others close to me.

I've learnt that I need to prioritise my life into looking after my own mental health, first and foremost. That's not to say that I put myself ahead of my family, but if I am of sound mind and body then I am of far more use to them than if I am struggling and tired. I've been through a complete breakdown which led me to take three months off work in order to improve my mental strength and way at looking at life. This included counselling, talking a lot, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and trying to make my life a bit healthier.

As a man and a very proud one at that, I've always been the strong one in the family. Always the one that will get stuff done because I'm daddy. I'm hubby. I'm the oldest son. My wife struggled with depression and I was the one that had to try and help her. I didn't have a fucking clue what I was doing! Not one bit. I thought I could solve it and make her better. Sort yourself out luv. What's laying in bed going to do? Get up, get out and get on with it. Unfortunately, that's not the answer and I couldn't get my head around that. I became very frustrated and eventually very tired because I was approaching it in the wrong way. The more pressure I was under, the more I buried my head in the sand. The more my wife needed help, the more stressed I became. The worst of this coincided with my Nan becoming very ill and I tried to take on too much by helping everyone but myself. Then I crashed and burned! Completely lost it. Cried my eyes out. Lashed out in anger. I became a person that I never ever saw myself becoming. An absolute fucking wreck. I was no good for my wife, kids or family. And that is when I got help........

What I did is for a whole post to itself. What I learnt from it is again for another post.

This all started nearly a whole year ago now.........and I am now a much more educated person for it.

About me

I'm a 39 year old dad and husband. Married to my beautiful wife for 7 years. Dad to a Boy 8 and a Girl 6. I live in the south of England and work shifts, but more about that later.
I'm a self confessed sports nut, but mainly I enjoy football. Anything about football appeals to me, whether its playing, watching or reading about the beautiful game. There'll be many introductions throughout this blog including one about my love of Spurs.

Being a Father

There's a great pressure being a dad. There's an even greater pressure being a dad and a husband. So why do so many men do it? Why put yourself under that pressure? Why? Because it's the greatest feeling on Earth, that's why. Providing a home and a life to other people is huge. Massive. But getting it right is also very rewarding. There's no greater feeling than knowing that you are responsible for another's wellbeing. Making sure they grow up the right way. Making sure there's food on the table and electricity running through the house. Making sure there is a house in the first place.

This is my ramble. My look on life as a dad and a husband. As a son and as a friend. I do go on a bit but at least if I do it on here then my nearest and dearest won't have to listen to me go on all of the time.

This is The Shed of the Father.

About this blog

I was thinking of a name for this blog and couldn't come up with anything that sounded original or different.

So I started to think about me and what I do, like, feel, represent.

And somehow, I come up with the following.......

Dad's are like shed's! No one really knows what's inside them. Once you get inside, you get kind of lost and distracted. They often look nice on the outside but when you do finally get the lock off and get inside, it can be a minefield of lost things and hidden treasures. Well that's my take on on it anyway. That's me I suppose. And that's what this blog is about, me, my life and all the stuff hidden inside.

Hopefully it'll give me a chance to get stuff off my chest and see what's inside the real me. Here goes..........